How You See Yourself
Now we look at our own selves.
Here we’re going to look both inside ourselves, from our own perspective, and follow that with questions designed to help us uncover how others perceive us.
This is how:
Step 1
Think about the person who knows you best. What would that person say are your greatest strengths and your greatest weaknesses. Do you agree or disagree? Why? Is it possible that their perception of how you show up is more accurate than yours? Can you have a frank and loving conversation with them about this that will serve your goal of becoming more self-aware?
Click here for the fillable self-reflection PDF before moving on.
Step 2
Answer these questions now and also do this every week for a while, especially on days where you’ve had a negative interaction with someone.
Reflect on your interactions with others today. What went well and what didn’t? What did you do or say that influenced that (including your reactions to what the other person did or said)? Are you seeing a pattern in your life of these interactions or in your connections in general? How do people respond to you? How do people connect with you, or not? Can you determine what goes awry in the negative interactions? Can you apply behaviors from the positive interactions to the negative ones for a different outcome?
Click here for the “step 2” self-reflection PDF before moving on.
Step 3
*Warning* This step will make you very vulnerable. Don’t do it before you’re ready. But when you are, and if you apply what you learn here, you’ll improve your external self-awareness exponentially.
Choose three to five people in your life who know you very well and you trust to be honest but caring in their feedback. Please choose wisely, you don’t want to choose the person who will white lie their life away people pleasing nor anyone who will be straight up harsh rather than just supportively honest. This may include friends, siblings, co-workers, a boss, a partner, a mentor or advisor in any combination that you can make work. You will need to tell them that you are deeply committed to advancing your external self-awareness and that they can help you by answering your questions honestly and fully.
These are the questions:
What are my strengths (as for 3 to 5)
What are my weaknesses? (ask for at least 3)
What is my attitude when facing challenges?
What do I do that contributes to my success?
What am I known for?
What do I do that holds me back from success and happiness?
How aware am I of my impact on others?
What patterns or actions do I repeat, even if they’re not good for me?
Call your people and ask if they’re willing, giving them the questions at the time (if they say yes) and then arrange a day/time in the near future to call them back for their responses. A phone call works over texting or email as this conversation won’t be only sunshine and rainbows and hearing love in their voice rather than reading the facts on your phone will make the negative parts of the feedback so much easier to accept.
You will get feedback that doesn’t surprise you, and feedback that does. There will be commonalities here and they may really give you pause. You don’t need to accept all feedback as fact but you’ll miss an opportunity for greater awareness if you don’t at least reflect on everything you hear.
Will you do it? I hope you do. Not ready for all three steps? Then start with steps 1 and 2 and settle into that for a while. Remember, do step 3 only when you’re really ready to hear the tough stuff along with the great. It’s really the game changer though so do it when you’ve decided that you’re 100% ready (or maybe at least 80%, lol) to become self-aware.
When you consider this step, you will be reluctant to hear about your perceived shortcomings. Or put another way, your opportunities for improvement. The most important thing to remember is not to beat yourself up for these things. There is a reason for them. They didn’t just come to you out of nowhere. But, now you know, you’ve got some real insight. And you can let it go, change it, and move on.
