Powerful Steps To Grow Your Confidence Right Now!
This is part two of a two-part series on confidence. If you’d like to cover them in order, you can find the first one here.
In our last blog on this topic, we talked about how you can increase your confidence and decrease your self-doubt by becoming more self-aware. Once you know what you know, have a few clues about what you don’t know, this is the next step 😊.
To develop real confidence, we need to develop real life skills. Because confidence is about believing in ourselves and our abilities, we need to put the work into developing those parts of ourselves that we don’t feel skilled in. It’s not actually enough to blindly tell ourselves that we’re awesome, like our mom does. Identifying this is inner work that, ...when we master it, will help us learn to trust ourselves. We’ll know that we can count on ourselves and so we will start to feel confident in ourselves.
It’s worth noting that your level of confidence is not necessarily consistent across all aspects of life. You feel this, right? Here’s what I’m talking about.
Try this:
Where do you feel most confident and where do you feel least confident?
Professional - at work and work-related events and activities
Intellectual - at school and in life
Social - events and activities where I may know some, few or no people
Relationships - family, friend, romantic
Physical appearance - that one goes without saying
Physical ability - being able to do the physical things you want to
Now reflect on this:
What do you think makes the difference for you?
Not sure where you are in those categories or maybe where to start to improve them? Read these statements and think about whether they’re true for you. Any that you can’t say “hell yes” to? Well, then you have somewhere to start 😃.
I know how to recognize 'fear' as the hidden motivation for our actions, and we deal with that realization in a compassionate and mature way
I nurture an empathetic, open, curious heart and mind
I know my needs and wants in life, work and relationships
I can assert myself and my needs firmly when a situation calls for it (rather than compromising or avoiding to minimize conflict)
I recognize where my responsibility begins and ends
I know and practice setting boundaries with myself and in all of our relationships
I can say 'yes' when I really mean 'yes' and 'no' when it is really a 'no'
I trust that situations are unfolding for a positive purpose, even the most negative ones
I choose to build resilience day by day, with little steps each time
I deliberately choose self-discipline and focus, and do what is necessary to develop it
I laugh and enjoy healthy pleasures in life; I know when to have fun and find a necessary balance
I build a strong sense of self and therefore my life, work and relationships are built on foundations of self-awareness and self-esteem (I can recognize this when I see that my actions are following my words and intentions or when I 'walk my talk').
Looking at how we’ve handled things in the past can help us see our strengths, and we can build on those to create confidence. In the same way, we can identify where things haven’t gone well and figure out what we need to do differently next time. From that understanding, we can start to find confidence because we’re aware and we know what we need to do. If we can be accountable we can learn to trust ourselves, and when we can do that, confidence comes.
Try this:
Write down up to 5 things you’ve learned to do better, or have accomplished, or skills you’ve developed over the last 3 years.
Now read over the list and notice how you feel. If you feel proud, good, strong, or even just a bit of relief from your negative self-talk, that’s great. Read over the list every day until you internalize it, and your self-talk will shift a tiny bit each time.
Next write down up to 5 things that you’ve tried to do in the last 3 years that haven’t gone well, that were actually “fails”, by your definition.
Now think about this, really analyze why each of these didn’t go well, what your role in it was and what you would do differently next time?
And finally, write down up to 5 things that you haven’t done in the last three years because you were afraid you would fail, or you told yourself you couldn’t, or someone else told you that you couldn’t.
Now ask yourself if you still want to do those things? Because after this you’re going to have some ideas to become the person that will get them done.
Okay so let’s summarize this: If you want to build your confidence, know your strengths and build on them. You’ll need to know the things you need to improve, and work toward it. Remember, whatever you tell yourself, you’re going to be right. Also, remember that what you resist persists. If you want it to be different, you're going to have to accept what is and then make it different.
The last thing for you to apply at this step is using the divine feminine and divine masculine traits to further develop your confidence. Up to this point, we’ve looked at specific skills to identify what we need to develop to feel more confident. Now we’re going to look at more global traits. I know, you might be thinking that you can’t change your traits. And that’s partly true, depending on which traits you’re talking about. But these traits you can develop because when and how you use them, are within your control. So let’s explore.
The concept of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine may be new to you but here’s what’s important. They each represent separate spiritual, psychological and archetypal ideals of energy. They are the highest, most inspiring and truest expression of masculinity or femininity, and are manifested through thoughts, actions and beliefs.
We all use all of the traits of the divine feminine and divine masculine, but we use them to varying degrees and with different frequencies depending on our natural tendencies. A woman can actually display more divine masculine traits and vice versa. It’s very personalized, but the traits are separated according to what is typical over the population. And it’s not a matter of better than, it’s different than. The most important thing is that we recognize the value of all the traits. Knowing when to use them can be learned and practiced and doing that will help you develop confidence because you’ll know what to tap into depending on the situation.
A healthy representation of a person with more Divine Masculine traits is demonstrated by a person who is strong, but gentle. Who has an appropriate action of guidance and leadership without the need of praise or ego-stroking. They turn away from greed and conflict, and instead stay in a space of honor, honesty and diplomacy. They are confident but not arrogant, and adventurous but not reckless. This is someone you want to spend time with because, with them, you feel safe, supported and protected either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
A healthy representation of the Divine Feminine is kind, generous, wise and supportive. With the continued growth of humankind dependent on the health of its women, the Divine Feminine represents the ultimate mother–nurturer - , intuitive, patient, nurturing and healing. This is the representation of growth, not just in a physical way, but also emotionally and spiritually. We all birth something – an idea, a friendship, a business plan, a family – and it is the Divine Feminine within us all that brings it into reality.
Can you see how we all carry some combination of the divine feminine and the divine masculine and how tapping into these traits, according to the situation, can be so effective?
Divine Masculine - Logical, Reasoning, Action, Rational, Adventurous, Survivor
Divine Feminine - Intuitive, Nurturing, Gentle, Expressive, Wise, Flexible
Try this:
Note the traits of the divine feminine and divine masculine that you embody.
Ask yourself, what strengths can you fully recognize and embrace to increase your confidence. Make note of it like this.
This is my strength:
This is how I use it effectively:
And then:
What are some traits you think you could further develop to increase your confidence?
This is what I need to work on
This is how I can use it more effectively:
Recall past successes and reflect on what you did to make them successful and how you can apply that going forward.
When you identify something you want, break it down into small steps and take on one thing at a time. Then celebrate the wins!
Stretch yourself at least a little bit every day - do something that makes you uncomfortable but set yourself up for success by thinking it through, what are the things I can control to get the result I want? When you do, figure out why it went right. When you don’t get the result you want, figure out what you need to do next time. Don’t give up.
Get to know yourself better every day. Self-awareness is key to confidence.
What do you think? Are you ready to take that next step to grow your confidence? If you haven’t yet and you want to see step 1 - you can see it here. You got this! And if you’ve got questions, we’re here for you. You can email us at hello@soulaia.com or put your question in the comments.
We’d love to hear of a time when you set fear aside and went for it and won. Or a time when you didn’t quite “win” but you brushed yourself off and went for it again anyway. You can tell us in the comments.
